![]() ![]() It’s one of the most important aspects of the interpersonal theory he proposed in 1942. What’s active listening? This term was created by Carl Rogers, an American psychologist. But are you right? Can you improve your active listening skills? In this article, we share some strategies that can help you improve these skills and talk about the benefits of being a good listener. It will also allow us to develop deep and lasting friendships which will be built on genuine values and selfless attitudes.You probably think that you’re a good listener. Good listening will enable us to be truly helpful to people. Listening is a highly prized skill and one which it is well worth acquiring. To keep focused, when listening, on the other persons’ experiences rather than attempting to share our own.To listen without offering unsolicited advice.To listen without judgement and disapproval. ![]() If we think about Rogers’ approach, though, it can set a template for the best listening of all: It can be quite a frustrating enterprise, especially if we believe we have a ‘solution’ or if we have problems of our own which we long to share. Listening is about someone else’s story – not an opportunity to reveal our own experiences. In a similar way, it is all too easy when listening to someone to leap in with our own story, especially when they are talking about something we have some knowledge of. If we visit a counsellor we wouldn’t expect them to spend our session revealing information about their own life whenever we mention something which is relevant to them. Listening with this level of empathy encourages connection and makes a person feel truly heard and valued. When we truly show empathy our genuine care is evident. Not in imagining what we would do or feel, but what the person in front of us, with their life experiences feels. Or, at the very least, asking a person if they would actually welcome some of our own personal thoughts.Įmpathic listening – showing genuine careĮmpathy involves putting ourselves in another’s shoes. ![]() There is a lot to be said for not offering advice unless it is requested. Often, though, people do not want a solution, they just want to ventilate their feelings and this should be allowed and encouraged. We tend to leap in to attempt to solve something. This is a trap we often fall into when listening. With Rogers as our guide we listen without giving advice or offering solutions to problems. This kind of supportive and skilled listening, will usually lead to the person we are listening to feeling more fully able to truthfully reveal themselves. We need to aim to listen without voicing our own particular morality or making someone feel disapproved of. We are not there to berate or shame a person. When listening, we are not there to cast judgement or make a person feel uncomfortable. This is listening with a truly supportive ear and we can all learn from this approach. All words are heard without judgement or disapproval. With person-centred therapy the counsellor offers no value judgements. Offering this level of personal regard, respect and value is the benchmark of good listening. This intrinsic worth is a constant and does not depend on what is being said and whether or not you agree with it. Whatever the circumstances and whatever a person is voicing, Rogers’ approach of unconditional positive regard means that the person you are listening to remains a person of intrinsic worth and value.
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